Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Cuz pimps be needin jackets

Take a guess at the number of jackets I own? Seriously. Guess. Then multiply that number by 4.

I have a light Columbia rain coat for the constant threat of Seattle precipitation. A mid-weight North Face jacket perfect for outdoor Fall hiking. A brown corduroy winter jacket. A Calvin Klein black long dress coat made of the finest wool. A bright yellow thick ski jacket. A light fleece jacket.

But you know what…I want more. I find myself walking down the street looking at other people’s jackets and thinking “Man I really need that.” I mean think about it…I don’t have a long black rain coat, a vest, a winter shell that will fit over my fleece, etc.

We live in a world where I feel like I never have enough jackets. (Insert whatever your item is here…watches, shoes, cars, stocks)

And the Western world revolves around getting more jackets. A few weeks ago somebody decided “I am so desperate for more jackets that it’s necessary for me to smash thru the window of this innocent Nissan Maxima”. And once they got into my car they took a book of burned CD’s which might get you $5 tops on the black market. But the big jackpot came when they opened the glove compartment and found a GPS…now they can easily learn the quickest route to Jackets-R-Us!

Recently I was in NYC for a conference and on a Sunday morning I was walking to the Metro at 7AM. Let me reiterate…this was 7AM not 3AM. But at 7AM I walked past a group of 3 transgendered men-to-women prostitutes on a street corner. And lurking in the background was the pathetic pimp hiding out in the shadows of a recessed entrance to the Metro. And as I passed these women (i.e. men dressed as women or possibly femininely enhanced by hormones) I caught the look in their eyes. Helplessness. Hopelessness. Not to mention pure exhaustion. But I understand why these women were being psychologically manipulated as cash cows…this pimp had a surprisingly drab coat. And everyone knows if you be pimpin you need some seriously colorful jackets!